you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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