i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
