The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
