My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
