He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
