There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
