Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hippo gnu deer
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
