watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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