People with herpes should wear stickers.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
