i jhust puked up my retainher.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
