We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
