i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is Oprah even human
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
