Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
