Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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