I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
