I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
operation harelip BJ is a go
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
