Umm I'm too high to move.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
