he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize