I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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