and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
