just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
