I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
false alarm. still invincible.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
