why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
