i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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