This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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