Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
