I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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