there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
