thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
