fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
