Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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