yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
