I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
babies were throwing up all over the place
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
