exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
