you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
