i just had sex bonerless
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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