; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
