I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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