And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
