Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's always time for handjobs
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
