I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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