hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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