He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
