Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In other news, I just burned my penis
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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