she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
