did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
