Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
