I'm pants shitting drunk right now
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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