haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
