Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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