i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
