Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you still have your period?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
