So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
