what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
