Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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