I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
