Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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