Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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