Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
