The brown eye won't let me do that either.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
