Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
