Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
