Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
