I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
