When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
