I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
