I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
