He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Watching her eat just hurts me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
