i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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