Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
