maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
