I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
