I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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