i used baking grease as lip gloss
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
