Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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