I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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