Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
