Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
