i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
