The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize