somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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