how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is Oprah even human
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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