Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize