what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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