Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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