my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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