Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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